TESTIMONIES |
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They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11
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 “My parents really wanted to hold onto our Chinese heritage. So even though we were here in America, we were still distinct.”
Christopher Yuan is the son of Chinese immigrants. Although he was born in the United States, he never felt like he fit in with his American classmates. “Kids are always cruel, and they pick on kids for being different.” He was small for his age. He played piano and worked hard in school. He wasn’t good at sports like the other boys. “I was shorter. I wore glasses, so I was ‘four eyes,’” Christopher recalls. “I was picked on, because I was maybe a little more effeminate [and] I was more artistic.” When he was nine years old, Christopher saw pornography at a friend’s house. That’s when he started thinking maybe he was different. “Those images just awoke something in me that I didn’t know was there,” he says. “But, I also noticed that I was attracted to the images of both the men and the women.” He decided to keep his feelings secret with hopes they would go away, but they didn’t. “All these feelings were kind of bubbling up in me, and I was keeping them held down. I felt like I just needed to get it out somehow.”
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 Sexually abused, pornography, promiscuity, depression, suicidal thoughts, unwanted same-sex attraction, all these subjects is all I'm going to talk about because all these mean my life.
My name is Carlos Catari and I'm from Venezuela, I'm 32 years old but now I'm living in Canada. From the age of 5 to 12 years old I went through sexual abuse. So at early age I developped hypersexuality. My only focus as I grew up was to look for sex. I was always looking for sex. In fact at the age of 15 I was already into prostitution. At some point I decided to speak with my sister to talk about what was going on in my life and also to come out to her, telling her that I was gay. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't even understand it. So she talked with my mom and my mom came up to me in tears asking me something that I had never thought about. She asked me, "Carlos what if you were never sexually abused? Would you still be gay?" And then I said, "What?" I have never thought about that. But in fact this question: "What if you were never sexually abused? Would you still be gay?" haunted me from that point on. It might be true. But at that point I was already gay. I told them, "Listen, I'm gay." Despite that, she decided to make an appointment with a psychologist. From the first meeting we had I could understand that all that happened to me wasn't my fault. Before, I believed it was my fault. So she told me something that I never thought about, "Carlos, whether you will be gay or straight, let this be your choice and not the decision of someone else in your past." I really liked this. I liked the fact that I could decide my life  As has just been said: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” Hebrews 3:15
Today for the message I'm about to give you many people have been persecuted, driven out, and killed. Many hide because of Him. However He is the truth and life. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. John 1:10 I had high risk addictive behaviors. I was addicted to sex and I had mental and eating disorder as well as suicidal thoughts. My life was a living hell... but that hell cannot hold me anymore. ...I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. Matthew 16:18 The world and society convinced me that what I experiences was normal and if the hell I just told you about shocks you, know that many people experience it and accept it as something normal and even nationalized. What I experienced and what you may experience now is far from normal. You were not created for that. And if you decide to ignore this message I just gave you, it may go away from your life.  I was born in a nominal Christian family. I was abused physically by my mom and felt rejected by my father. Because of that, I began loathing myself and was tempted to commit suicide a few times but God always stopped me every time. Since my childhood, I felt different and was always attracted to the same sex. I also felt like I was only a quasi-man. I tried to "pray the gay away" and change myself with my own power to be "straight" but I kept failing. So, I believed the lie that it was just who I was and I would die as a gay man. Finally I decided to just embrace and enjoy it. In doing so, I rejected the notion of God and His existence because I knew the truth that you couldn't follow God and live in sin at the same time. I ended up completely forgetting God. For me back then God didn't exist and after death there was only oblivion. Finally I was able to do what I wanted to do, such as lusting over men, watching porn, masturbating, etc. I was addicted to many things, including gaming. I've become really good at suppressing the truth about sin and my guilt. But even after living the life that I wanted, I was never satisfied.
 God has revealed Himself in my life more real than the air we breathe. Let me start from the beginning and to the point. Since I was a child, life did not treat me like I would have wanted it too. Being the youngest of 12 children, my parents literally abandoned us in my homeland of Mexico due to a severe destructive relationship between my parents. That left us devastated and it completely destroyed our family composition. From that moment on, I was taken to the capital of Mexico (Mexico City). There I was taken by my sister’s father in law, who decided to use me as his slave, forcing me to work as his servant and subjecting me to humiliation and violence. At 6 years old, I was brought to the United States by my biological mother, who had gone back to rescue me. Here in the United States, I was sexually molested by my mother’s boyfriend. I was not sure at the moment, but all I wanted was to be accepted and loved. Later on, I was left in guardianship of my eldest brother. Life was good for a few years. I realized though that throughout my early years, for some reason I was not familiar too, I was starting to acknowledge that I had an attraction for the same sex.
 My experience of same sex attraction started very early in my life. I didn't really have a word for it at that time. I didn't understand what I was feeling. I remember at school playing ground and when all the kids would be playing kiss chase, for some reason I wanted to chase the boys. Those feelings stayed with me and I never understood. And when puberty started, suddenly I became aware of this word for what I thought I was feeling. When I was about 14 I had my first sexual experience with a friend. That led on then to actually I fully immersed in gay life. I started going to gay pubs and clubs at the age of 14. I lived within the gay community for over 20 years, fully identifying myself as a gay individual. Within that time I have experienced a whole range kind of experiences from the gay community. I attended gay pride marches. I was political on being vocal on my rights of who I thought I was. I was in a relationship for over 12 years.
 I was born in a catholic family. My parents are very devout and so they hammered in me when I was little Catholic values, such as going to Masses, giving thanks to the Lord, being modest. I’ve also always gone to catholic schools since I was in kindergarten. When I was little, a lot of people made remarks that I was different, in the sense that I was “girly”. Mainly because most of my friends were girls and that my role models were feminine: Sailor Moon, Kimberley from Power Rangers (Ranger Pink – I wanted to be her J). Then, those remarks became insults. It began with “pretty boy”, then sissy, gay, then faggot, etc. It really affected my confidence. I became more timid and I kept most things to myself. It became worse at middle school because I went to an all-boys school. Not only did they insult me but also the boys would stay away from me. I had problems accepting that I was a boy – I always felt awkward in my own body and had problems making friends.
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