TESTIMONIES |
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11
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TESTIMONIES |
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11
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The Beginning
My name is Michael Edward Ukus. I am writing the story of my life to prove that God exists dan that He is always there in my life. I'm the second child of three siblings. We lived with our parents in Manado. After enrolling to a Christian university in Manado to study theology, we found that that our parents were in the process of getting a divorce. Unexpectedly we received a letter from the court asking us to attend the divorce trial. Honestly as their children we were very heartbroken by this news. My dad left us and my mom had to work really hard to provide for us. It broke our heart to see how hard she had to work to the point of getting sick and even fainting because of fatigue. This really destroyed me personally and I couldn't continue my study because of it. I thought there was no point studying theology if my parents were getting a divorce. In the end I no longer had any desire to study and stopped doing Christian activities at my campus. That's when the Enemy took an advantage.
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I sold my soul to “the god of this world”. He had the face of an angel. He said I could have it all. I traded the truth for lies. I followed my deceitful heart. I was crowned prince, dressed in Burberry and flown to New York, Los Angeles and Miami. The house music was spellbinding. I chatted up celebrities. I was ushered to the front of long lines and through the doors of exclusive clubs.
On September 11, 2001, I woke up out of a drunken stupor and turned on the TV. Immediately I started crying. It reminded me that the Lord is coming back in judgment (Matthew 24:37-39). Having no peace, I was terrified. For work, I moved from Pittsburgh to Boston to Washington, DC and then back to Pittsburgh. My gay life peaked in the bigger cities and then slowed down in Pittsburgh where gay life was less distracting. I was alone with my thoughts. Cursing and screaming at my family, I had pushed away those who would not actively endorse my lifestyle. One day on Facebook, Christians tried to tell me that I needed to repent. I viciously attacked them. I hated the church. Sexually abused, pornography, promiscuity, depression, suicidal thoughts, unwanted same-sex attraction, all these subjects is all I'm going to talk about because all these mean my life.
My name is Carlos Catari and I'm from Venezuela, I'm 32 years old but now I'm living in Canada. From the age of 5 to 12 years old I went through sexual abuse. So at early age I developped hypersexuality. My only focus as I grew up was to look for sex. I was always looking for sex. In fact at the age of 15 I was already into prostitution. At some point I decided to speak with my sister to talk about what was going on in my life and also to come out to her, telling her that I was gay. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't even understand it. So she talked with my mom and my mom came up to me in tears asking me something that I had never thought about. She asked me, "Carlos what if you were never sexually abused? Would you still be gay?" And then I said, "What?" I have never thought about that. But in fact this question: "What if you were never sexually abused? Would you still be gay?" haunted me from that point on. It might be true. But at that point I was already gay. I told them, "Listen, I'm gay." Despite that, she decided to make an appointment with a psychologist. From the first meeting we had I could understand that all that happened to me wasn't my fault. Before, I believed it was my fault. So she told me something that I never thought about, "Carlos, whether you will be gay or straight, let this be your choice and not the decision of someone else in your past." I really liked this. I liked the fact that I could decide my life As has just been said: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” Hebrews 3:15
Today for the message I'm about to give you many people have been persecuted, driven out, and killed. Many hide because of Him. However He is the truth and life. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. John 1:10 I had high risk addictive behaviors. I was addicted to sex and I had mental and eating disorder as well as suicidal thoughts. My life was a living hell... but that hell cannot hold me anymore. ...I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. Matthew 16:18 The world and society convinced me that what I experiences was normal and if the hell I just told you about shocks you, know that many people experience it and accept it as something normal and even nationalized. What I experienced and what you may experience now is far from normal. You were not created for that. And if you decide to ignore this message I just gave you, it may go away from your life. I was born in a nominal Christian family. I was abused physically by my mom and felt rejected by my father. Because of that, I began loathing myself and was tempted to commit suicide a few times but God always stopped me every time. Since my childhood, I felt different and was always attracted to the same sex. I also felt like I was only a quasi-man. I tried to "pray the gay away" and change myself with my own power to be "straight" but I kept failing. So, I believed the lie that it was just who I was and I would die as a gay man. Finally I decided to just embrace and enjoy it. In doing so, I rejected the notion of God and His existence because I knew the truth that you couldn't follow God and live in sin at the same time. I ended up completely forgetting God. For me back then God didn't exist and after death there was only oblivion. Finally I was able to do what I wanted to do, such as lusting over men, watching porn, masturbating, etc. I was addicted to many things, including gaming. I've become really good at suppressing the truth about sin and my guilt. But even after living the life that I wanted, I was never satisfied.
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Il Vero Amore è un libro sull'amore di Dio che ci libera dall'omosessualità