Testimony of an Ex-Gay Atheist

I was born in a nominal Christian family. I was abused physically by my mom and felt rejected by my father. Because of that, I began loathing myself and was tempted to commit suicide a few times but God always stopped me every time. Since my childhood, I felt different and was always attracted to the same sex. I also felt like I was only a quasi-man. I tried to "pray the gay away" and change myself with my own power to be "straight" but I kept failing. So, I believed the lie that it was just who I was and I would die as a gay man. Finally I decided to just embrace and enjoy it. In doing so, I rejected the notion of God and His existence because I knew the truth that you couldn't follow God and live in sin at the same time. I ended up completely forgetting God. For me back then God didn't exist and after death there was only oblivion. Finally I was able to do what I wanted to do, such as lusting over men, watching porn, masturbating, etc. I was addicted to many things, including gaming. I've become really good at suppressing the truth about sin and my guilt. But even after living the life that I wanted, I was never satisfied.

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