Mark's Story

My experience of same sex attraction started very early in my life. I didn't really have a word for it at that time. I didn't understand what I was feeling. I remember at school playing ground and when all the kids would be playing kiss chase, for some reason I wanted to chase the boys. Those feelings stayed with me and I never understood. And when puberty started, suddenly I became aware of this word for what I thought I was feeling. When I was about 14 I had my first sexual experience with a friend. That led on then to actually I fully immersed in gay life. I started going to gay pubs and clubs at the age of 14. I lived within the gay community for over 20 years, fully identifying myself as a gay individual. Within that time I have experienced a whole range kind of experiences from the gay community. I attended gay pride marches. I was political on being vocal on my rights of who I thought I was. I was in a relationship for over 12 years. ​

Can God be good and deny me sex? Firstly I think sex is not a right. It's not a necessity to us living. It's not like breathing; it's not like eating. And I think that God firstly designed sexual intercourse for reproduction. And God IS good and He actually made sex enjoyable. God could have designed it in a different way to reproduce in a way that isn't enjoyable but He didn't. He created it in a way that sex is enjoyable. And I personally believe when you come together in a sexual union, you're not just coming together as two bodies but there's a spiritual connection that takes place. And I believe God has designed that for the confines of marriage. And for anybody that isn't married, you can find satisfaction in other ways. As a society we put so much emphasis on sexual gratification and sex is not the be all and end all. You can find deep satisfaction in friendship. You can find deep satisfaction in other ways. Sex is not the only way you can fulfill those desires. 

The good thing about being Christian, I think one of the biggest things is just knowing God. Suddenly those lost feelings that I felt throughout my life, those feelings that there was something else to life, they've all been answered. I'm not saying I have all the answers but I'm saying there's a fulfillment in knowing God. As a person I can see that I'm becoming a better person, I'm transforming. And that isn't just sexuality. God is helping me change things in other ways. My self-wroth has gotten has a lot better. The way I interact with people is a lot better than before. I can see now that my life in general is much happier. I've got personal joy in my life. Although I thought I was happy in the gay community, I can look back now and see that I was actually very unhappy and I was searching for things that same sex attraction could not offer me.

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