My Satisfaction in the LOVE of JESUS

My childhood experience was not a happy one. My parents were very determined to give me a meaningful life ahead but from my childhood no one affirmed me about my identity as a man. My mom used to dress me up in female clothings when I was very small. From that very early age I was very confused regarding my identity. I grew up playing with other kids in my neighborhood but my growth as a child was not that happy and flourishing like other kids. I was bullied by my neighborhood friends and classmates in school. These experiences locked me up in a cage of confusion, inferiority, Sadness, lonliness, depression, etc. All my friendships were superficial. I never had a close and genuine friend in my childhood. My childish young heart was longing for real friendships, love and acceptance but I never found it the way I wanted among my friends.

Oneday one friend of mine invited me to a church. I went to a church for the first time. As I continued going to church every Sunday I felt that church is the place of escape from every pain and lonliness that I experienced in my life. During the time of worship I experienced the joy, peace and freedom of expression. In one word I experienced God’s presence gushing like a fountain into my weary soul. Continuously I was longing for the presence of God which was satisfying my weary soul.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

My Struggle with sexuality
From very young age I was attracted towards men and confused about my identity. These confusion and lonliness led me to look for romantic pleasure with men and I experienced sexual encounters  with men since very young age. I was coming to church but guilt,shame and condemnation were my constant companions. I thought this attraction towards men were natural and God made me this way but this lie and confusion(I never thought it to be a lie that time) led me to many unhealthy choices and sexual encounters but at the end of the tunnel depression, hurt, lonliness, pain, betrayal, etc. were waiting for me. I was desperate to become free from this lifestyle that I was living. Finally I opened up myself to my pastors and was seeking help from them. They were people who told me the truth from the word of God that homosexuality is a sin, God did not made me this way, and there is hope for me in jesus.

I experienced a liberation in my life as I shared my hidden struggles with my pastors and they continuously helped me to come out of this lifestyle by loving me, praying for me, involving me with church activities, counseling, etc.

My Satisfaction in the LOVE of JESUS
As I said earlier, I was longing for real friendships, love and acceptance among my friends the way I wanted but I never experienced that deep satisfaction of love inside the deepest core of my heart in this world.
The longing in my heart for love was satisfied by a true relationship with Jesus. Spending time daily in his presence satisfies me completely. I am deeply convicted by the truth that his love and his presence is far better than anything in this world.
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I found true and meaningful friendships in the family of God that I never found in this world.
Now I no more struggle the way I used to do earlier. Now Jesus is the Lord of my life. Jesus has given me freedom of choice which I never had earlier. Jesus helps me everyday to choose his love over the temptations that comes.

Amit Ghosh

On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them. (John 7:37-38)