Andre Bekker: I was attracted to young boys

​I grew up in a home, where my parents were devoted Christians who served the Lord wholeheartedly. To the best of their ability they endeavoured to bring myself and my siblings up in the ways of the Lord. While this was the case, at a young age I noticed that I have an extraordinary interest in persons of the same sex. Even in my fantasies the persons I was involved with were younger boys. When I was about 12 years old, I befriended my younger brother’s friends. He is three and a half years younger than I am. It did not take long for these friendships to have sexual undertones. Before long it started to develop into more than just feelings and desires. Although no one ever in any way hinted to me that what I involved myself with, was unnatural and wrong, I did know deep within me, to feel sexually attracted to a person of the same sex was wrong and unnatural.

As I got older I observed that other boys my age started feeling attracted to girls, but my attractions got stronger for boys. Big was my dismay when I started realizing that my orientation was to younger boys. I thought it would change by the time I left school just to find that I experienced an aversion to older guys. The older they were the more aversion I felt. The age group I felt oriented too, has stagnated between the ages of 10 to 20. However, the older guys had to appear young and innocent.

If ever there was a person that could have been referred to as a marginal figure, it was me. It did not take me long to discover that homosexuality placed a person on the fringe of society. Even more so if you have a sexual age orientation to young boys and teens. I discovered that most people having a young sexual age orientation, would never publicly admit their sexual age orientation. It was much safer to hide behind their sexual gender orientation.
God, however, caused a turning point in my life and I have all reasons to believe it was because of the prayers of my mother. It was 10 September 2001 and I was 34, working as a skills trainer at a children’s home. I never worked nightshift but because of a staff shortage I was requested to work nightshift that particular night. I finished my shift the next morning and as I got home I received a phone call from the children home’s principal. He informed me that he wished to pay me a visit and asked if he could come over. I agreed and on his arrival he informed me that one of the children complaint that I have sexually molested him while I was on night duty. I was given notice that I was suspended while the matter was under investigation.

I was suspended for six weeks, when one day I was ordered to the principals office, having been informed that the matter would be handed over to the police. I experienced in that moment my worst nightmare to come true. I always feared that I would one day have to face the law.

Having arrived at the principal’s office I waited for two hours before the detective came from the principal’s office and introduced himself to me. He then continued by telling me that the boy has confessed to them that he has lied and that I have never sexually molested him. I felt relieved and at the same time grateful because I saw this event as a wake up call for me to sort out my life, which at that stage was in shambles without purpose and no joy.
I looked for help in South Africa but could not find any. Eventually, I contacted organizations in America of which one responded. It started an initial 4 year journey, receiving psychotherapeutic help while I also turned to God, was born again and through my relationship with Him experienced the Holy Spirit’s powerful transforming, mind renewing power working in me, and things started to change.

Progressively shifts started to take place in my mind, emotional pain got healed and guilt and shame were dealt with. Big shifts took place in my identity while I found my identity more and more in Christ. In 2004 I met my wife and this year we are married for 15 years.

What is extraordinary is that my wife was a widow with two teenage boys. In all sincerity I asked God if He knew what He was doing by letting me marry a woman with two boys. I asked God if He has forgotten from where I came from. It was in this that God showed Himself mighty. God’s work in my life was such that not only did my exclusive gender homosexual orientation changed to where I started experiencing heterosexual attractions towards my wife, but also my exclusive sexual age orientation to young boys/teens changed to an adult woman. It meant so much to me that God have entrusted me with my two sons.

Activists, through science, psychology and psychiatry tries to convince the world that it is impossible to change sexual gender orientation and sexual age orientation, arguing that a person is born that way, but God, above all doubt proofed them wrong.

I am still in the furnace of my Master, to be formed daily more and more in the likeness of His image. Of this I am convinced: “When I look back and wonder how I ever made it this far, you would realize it is not that I have been clever, but God has been wise. Not that I have been strong, but God has been mighty. Not that I have been consistent, but God has been faithful. I call it GOD’S AMAZING GRACE!