TESTIMONIES |
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11
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TESTIMONIES |
They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11
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As has just been said: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” Hebrews 3:15
Today for the message I'm about to give you many people have been persecuted, driven out, and killed. Many hide because of Him. However He is the truth and life. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. John 1:10 I had high risk addictive behaviors. I was addicted to sex and I had mental and eating disorder as well as suicidal thoughts. My life was a living hell... but that hell cannot hold me anymore. ...I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. Matthew 16:18 The world and society convinced me that what I experiences was normal and if the hell I just told you about shocks you, know that many people experience it and accept it as something normal and even nationalized. What I experienced and what you may experience now is far from normal. You were not created for that. And if you decide to ignore this message I just gave you, it may go away from your life.
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The summer of 2013 is when everything changed for me. I heard a voice tell me to look at a tree while I was washing dishes. I knew it wasn't anyone of my family because no one was around. The voice began to tell me that trees have been here since the beginning of time but we all know that a seed has to be planted for a tree to grow. If you ask a little kid how long a tree has been there, they would say forever when we know that isn't true. Homosexuality is the same way, a seed is planted in the child whether it's a generational curse, rape, molestation, teasing, abuse, fatherless home, etc. My "seed" was teasing. I knew I was never born gay, I just knew the feelings came sometime during elementary school. I got teased all the time at school for being small and not wearing nice clothes. It seemed like the only people who showed love were the women in my church. Because of that I began to have feelings for them and then started to have feelings for my friends and classmates. I started dressing like a guy my eighth grade year and got my first girl friend my tenth grade year. That's when I began to explore everything and embraced the lifestyle.
I was born in a nominal Christian family. I was abused physically by my mom and felt rejected by my father. Because of that, I began loathing myself and was tempted to commit suicide a few times but God always stopped me every time. Since my childhood, I felt different and was always attracted to the same sex. I also felt like I was only a quasi-man. I tried to "pray the gay away" and change myself with my own power to be "straight" but I kept failing. So, I believed the lie that it was just who I was and I would die as a gay man. Finally I decided to just embrace and enjoy it. In doing so, I rejected the notion of God and His existence because I knew the truth that you couldn't follow God and live in sin at the same time. I ended up completely forgetting God. For me back then God didn't exist and after death there was only oblivion. Finally I was able to do what I wanted to do, such as lusting over men, watching porn, masturbating, etc. I was addicted to many things, including gaming. I've become really good at suppressing the truth about sin and my guilt. But even after living the life that I wanted, I was never satisfied.
God has revealed Himself in my life more real than the air we breathe. Let me start from the beginning and to the point. Since I was a child, life did not treat me like I would have wanted it too. Being the youngest of 12 children, my parents literally abandoned us in my homeland of Mexico due to a severe destructive relationship between my parents. That left us devastated and it completely destroyed our family composition. From that moment on, I was taken to the capital of Mexico (Mexico City). There I was taken by my sister’s father in law, who decided to use me as his slave, forcing me to work as his servant and subjecting me to humiliation and violence. At 6 years old, I was brought to the United States by my biological mother, who had gone back to rescue me. Here in the United States, I was sexually molested by my mother’s boyfriend. I was not sure at the moment, but all I wanted was to be accepted and loved. Later on, I was left in guardianship of my eldest brother. Life was good for a few years. I realized though that throughout my early years, for some reason I was not familiar too, I was starting to acknowledge that I had an attraction for the same sex.
My experience of same sex attraction started very early in my life. I didn't really have a word for it at that time. I didn't understand what I was feeling. I remember at school playing ground and when all the kids would be playing kiss chase, for some reason I wanted to chase the boys. Those feelings stayed with me and I never understood. And when puberty started, suddenly I became aware of this word for what I thought I was feeling. When I was about 14 I had my first sexual experience with a friend. That led on then to actually I fully immersed in gay life. I started going to gay pubs and clubs at the age of 14. I lived within the gay community for over 20 years, fully identifying myself as a gay individual. Within that time I have experienced a whole range kind of experiences from the gay community. I attended gay pride marches. I was political on being vocal on my rights of who I thought I was. I was in a relationship for over 12 years.
I was born in a catholic family. My parents are very devout and so they hammered in me when I was little Catholic values, such as going to Masses, giving thanks to the Lord, being modest. I’ve also always gone to catholic schools since I was in kindergarten. When I was little, a lot of people made remarks that I was different, in the sense that I was “girly”. Mainly because most of my friends were girls and that my role models were feminine: Sailor Moon, Kimberley from Power Rangers (Ranger Pink – I wanted to be her J). Then, those remarks became insults. It began with “pretty boy”, then sissy, gay, then faggot, etc. It really affected my confidence. I became more timid and I kept most things to myself. It became worse at middle school because I went to an all-boys school. Not only did they insult me but also the boys would stay away from me. I had problems accepting that I was a boy – I always felt awkward in my own body and had problems making friends.
“I didn’t know how to handle attention from men and boys,” recalls Charlene Cothran. “I was tall for my age and fully developed at nine-years-old.”
Her parents divorced when she was three and the absence of a father left her hungry for affirmation from the opposite sex. “I wanted a guy to really like me.” But when she discovered that most of the boys she met wanted one thing: user her, it turned her off. “I decided no more of this,” Charlene recounts. She then closed her heart to boys at 14 and fell into a trap in which lesbianism felt like a “safe alternative.” In doing so, she drifted from her Christian faith which was part of her upbringing. “I learned the Scripture; I learned about Christ and the cross and His redemptive power. I believed it.” She had once been a youth leader in her church. |
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